The Letter
by TheBraceletGeek
Summary: A short letter Sirius wrote to James after he went to Azkaban. This is what helps him cope with the situation. Rated T because of mild swearing.
1. The Letter

Dear Potter (Was that a bit to formal?)

I've decided to call you by your last name, since I'm angry with you right now. You want to know why? Well, for starters, do you know where the hell I am? In bloody Azkaban! You know that place with the soul sucking dementors and all that? Yeah, that's my position right now.

And do you know why I'm here? Because I was blamed for ratting you and Lily out to Voldemort.

And nobody wants to believe that I'm innocent because they all think that I was your secret keeper. And the only one who knows that I wasn't in the end, is Peter.

That betraying little rat! I can't believe I didn't see this coming. I mean, nobody would, but he was always so nervous the last months and everybody thought it was just because of the war, but turns out he was just afraid anyone would find out he was the double agent.

And right now I'm so mad at both you and myself. Myself for advising you to change secret keeper from me, and you for actually listening. I mean, why did one of the only times you actually listened had to be this? Sorry, I know I should be sirius about this. Sorry again, but if I try to stay happy, maybe I will forget what happened. Not that I could ever get over this, and besides the dementors suck out every happy thought I get.  
How could I ever get over the day my best friend and his wife got murdered by one of the darkest wizards of all time, because of my other friend? And my last friend believes I'm guilty because I have no way to prove I'm not.

So here I am, stuck in Azkaban, without any friends and my family abandoned me when I left them.

And about my family, do you remember when I left them and came to you? Do you remember what you told me? Because I do.  
When I was in hysterics about my brother being left with those monsters, and me being alone forever, you said something to me. And those words were with me from that day. You told me that I didn't have to worry because you would always be there. You said that you would always be there to catch me when I'd fall for as long as I would live. Well, I'm still alive and I really need my best mate right now. I just want you back Prongs.

I just want you and Lily to be happy with Harry, and for uncle Moony and uncle Padfoot to come on visits. But that's not possible.

And I'm really sorry James. I've never been this sorry since the incident with Snape.  
I'm so sorry that I wont be the godfather that Harry needs and that I won't be around for a while. But I promise you that I will get out of this place sometime. And when I do, I will find Harry and start a proper family with him to make up for the years I couldn't be there. And I will spoil him rotten with awesome stuff.

Even though this isn't going to happen for a long time, I will have this one good thought. And when the dementors suck it right out of me, I will still have this letter to remind me of it.

And before I finish this pathetic piece of thrash with my handwriting on it, I have to tell you something. Something I didn't get to say when you were still here.

I love you, mate.  
But not in the I-want-to-marry-you way, but in the You're-my-best-friend-and-brother-and-I-have-no-id ea-what-to-do-when-you're-gone way. And I just want you to know that I'm missing you like hell. I miss that stupid smirk of yours and your pathetic hair which you always ruffled to impress Evans. I just really want you back mate, is that too much to ask?

I just want to delete that awful picture of you and Lily lying there in the ashes of your beautiful little house. To just forget what it felt like to come to your place, dressed up in my Halloween costume, and discover that everything was ruined. To don't remember seeing your body, clod and lifeless, lying there in the stairs, your glasses knocked askew. I just want to erase it all, Prongs.

But for now I just have to keep my mind on getting out of here and finding that betraying little rat. Then Harry and I can live happily together.

And that day will come, Jamesie. I promise!

-Padfoot

_Sirius Black_

**AN: I hope you liked this little letter. I'm thinking of adding three different situations where Sirius uses the letter, but I'll see how it goes with this first one.**


	2. Ten Year Jubilee

Sirius read through the letter one more time. It had been ten years today. Ten years since his best friend was cruelly ripped away from this world. Ten years since he was sent to Azkaban. Ten years since his whole world was ripped away from under his feet. And ten years since he had written that letter to his dead best friend.

Sirius had read through the letter a lot of times in the past years. Sometimes he read through it to remember why he was innocent and why he had to get out of there. Other times he did it because he started to go insane. He had to remember who he was, or at least who he had been. Letting Azkaban and the dementors go to his head would just make him as mad as everyone else. And he couldn't afford that.

He had to get out of this place and find Harry, as he had promised both James and himself this exact date, ten years ago.

Harry had his first years of Hogwarts and was probably having the time of his life. Sirius was sure he was a Gryffindor just like his parents, and right now he was probably enjoying the Halloween feast wit h his friends.

The Halloween feast had always been one of Sirius favourites. He and the other Marauders could do a lot of pranks and everyone would just take them as Halloween tricks. And when the night came, he and the others would sit in the common room by the fire and talk about everything they had done that day and tell jokes and just laugh.

Ah, as Sirius missed those days. Days without anything to worry about but having to do homework and impress the girls. But most of all he missed the rest of he Marauders. If anyone had told him fifteen years ago that three years after their graduation one of them would be in Azkaban, one dead, one the cause of said death and the last one left alone, Sirius would have laughed it off and asked if the person needed a visit to the hospital wing. And he still couldn't quite wrap his mind around how it actually had happened.

They had been a close gang, probably closest out of everyone at Hogwarts. They did have their fare share of fights, it was mostly him and Remus that started them, but sometimes that just brought them closer.

Their biggest fight had been in their fifth year, after the incident with Snape.  
Remus had been angry with Sirius because he had used him and his lycanthrope just to get back at Snape. Sirius was angry with Remus because he didn't want to listen to Sirius side of the story and didn't understand that he hadn't meant it. James had been angry with both of them because neither wanted to apologize and he thought they were stupid because they didn't want to hear each other out. And Peter hadn't known what to do, so he chose to stay out of it and not take anyone's side.

They had fought for three weeks.

When Sirius thought about it now, he was the one that should have apologized, seeing as he technically started it. But since Remus was the most matured out of all of them, he had been ever since they first met on the Hogwarts train, he apologized first.

Sirius had never been as relieved as when Remus came up to him and apologized for not hearing Sirius side of the story. He had quickly explained what had happened and apologized for being a jerk. Remus had forgiven him and they had embraced in a brotherly hug.

Sirius remembered those three weeks not talking to the rest of the Marauders as some of the worst before he finished school. Of course, after he had finished school far worse thing had happened. People had died, been tortured to insanity and there were many great people lost.

Sirius just hoped that Harry never had to experience anything like that with his best friend or best friends.

He thought about how fun Harry had probably had it this Halloween, and, opposite of Sirius, how full he had to feel. He sighed and then read through the letter one more time.


End file.
